I think I mentioned this before, but I was volunteering in the youth group at my old church when I was asked to step down back in April. Thing is, when I had to leave a huge piece of the leadership team was missing. Honestly, I was the only one who would rather hang out with the younger age group…
I miss Lighthouse, I miss community so much. I want to be clear that I never got asked to step down, and stopped attending ACC on my own will. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pursue God anymore, but in my mind I can’t deal with the humiliation of having this happen to me. Even in my current state of hearing the bits and pieces of private conversations that families are having about me hurts, not to mention having Christopher Yuan come to ACC for a special weekend conference to reaffirm that gay relationships are wrong (which I’ve been told is at least in part a direct response to me coming out).
It sucks that something which was once such a big part of my life, something that brought me so much joy and happiness, has become so distant and a source of so much pain, awkwardness, and embarrassment. The church never asked me to leave, but as the reaction to my coming out became more and more clear, I no longer felt welcome and stopped attending to protect myself from what I felt had become a negative influence in my life.
I have to say that ACC stopped feeling like home for me after senior year of HS, long before I came out, due to me attending A&M in Fall ‘11 and me trying to be inconspicuous during my time in Austin between the filming of MasterChef this spring. But there are many people there that I am (or was) close to and that I care about, including my own brother, Albert. But when my own parents don’t want me talking to my little brother with any measure of confidentiality of privacy, especially about “the issue”, then I can’t help but feel that the parents of many of those people I was close to feel the same. The last thing I want to do is cause any more conflict.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow